happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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