you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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