Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
