You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
