You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
