He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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