Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
