im about as happy as oj after his trial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
