Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
