I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
