once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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