i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
