If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
