Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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