Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
