I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
