Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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