i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
