There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
