I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
