I'm so fucking centered right now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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