So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He? As in you personified your dick?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
