he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
