Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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