dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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