I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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