I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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