what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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