They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
