Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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