so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?