so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process