Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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