Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?