i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction