This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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