Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Mom said you looked used
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
