she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize