This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
