I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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