How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
