Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
