My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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