well I can't set my house on fire every night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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