I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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