Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
