I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
