Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
