I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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