I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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