Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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