last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
