Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How does one acquire holy water?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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