Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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