well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
