Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
