there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
