i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
