So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
