dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
