Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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