What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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