this beer tastes like vomit already
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
