I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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