i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
