Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
