Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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