I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
