The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
