My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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