Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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