I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
