i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
