I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
