We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
