Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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