do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
