Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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