I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
