I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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