That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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