I didn't shave. On purpose
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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