Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
