My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to make out with him forever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
