he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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