that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
