Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dear god my vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
