Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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