Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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